Roller Coaster of Emotions

Wow so much has gone on the past 24-48 hours that have caused so many emotions in me it is not even funny. First off Bill and Jenn welcomed their new baby Shay into the world at 3:00am on August 17th. He weighed 6.2 ounces and was 19 & ½ inches long. His blood sugar was low so he was on an IV but other then that he was healthy. I guess he started going into distress at the end of the labor (I heard this from my step-mom nobody else tells me anything). So anyways my emotional thing started on Wednesday night, I called Bill’s to talk to Will like 5 times no answer, called my dad and step-mom as that is where Will goes after school, no answer. I finally called my little sister to see if she knew where my dad was and she said “Oh they left me a message they were going to Bill’s with Will to get Will’s clothes cause Jenn is in labor at the hospital” Ok something seems wrong to me that my little sister knew where my kid was and I have not a clue. But I got over it. Then to hear my step-mom talk about going to see “their” grandbaby yesterday really had me a little wigged out. I think it is weird they are closer to Bill then to me it seems. Oh well something else I just need to deal with!

Then the next morning when Bill called to tell us about the baby I was very happy that he was ok, but made me yearn for a baby even more (I cannot wait one more year and we will start trying) plus I felt for Kenny when I told him “You are a big brother now” and he said “Only up there down here I am still the baby”. I just do not want him to have the middle child syndrome, which is even worse since he does not see or talk to his dad much. I do not want him to ever feel “less then”. The Baron and I will do all we can to make him feel special, I just felt bad for him. He is happy about his baby brother but ha a lot of mixed emotions. He told me it is weird to have a brother and not have me as its mother. Some things a 7 year old mind just cannot always wrap around a concept like “Half-Siblings”. Oh and then to hear my step-mom talk about going to see “their” grandbaby yesterday really had me a little wigged out. I think it is weird they are closer to Bill then to me it seems. Oh well something else I just need to deal with!

But yes my clock is tick, tick, ticking!!!

Then I will not use names on here but I have a friend that from the way everything is pointing used one of her customer’s credit cards fraudulently to pay a bill of her own. I am so mixed between anger, as this is so stupid and because I recommended this friend to their employer makes me feel like crap, I know this employer will not look at me different but still I did refer this person. Second I am feeling so terribly bad for them as they never told me just how bad their situation was. There is always another option and I wish I could have helped this person to come up with a different solution, as now they could be really fucked. I know the customer did call the police and after working at American Express I know credit card companies do prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. I am very worried about this friend. I know money troubles, as do most of my friends that read this, but there is always another way. I just wish they could have felt that they could talk to me. I hope I have not failed them as a friend and that is why they felt they could not open up to me.

I love all my friends and will stand behind this one as they face the music. While I do not agree or support the act I love the person and can look beyond that and my own anger. I will try to be the friend they need right now, I am not here to judge. I know some of my friends may laugh as they do not share the same beliefs as me, but for me I will pray for my friend, be a good Christian and not cast judgment, I will be there to love and try to help. I just need to ask God for the strength to help me look past everything and do the right thing. I try to do this in all of my friendships. Whether or not you believe in God and that Jesus died for our sins does not mean that I do not love you all and value your friendship any less. For those non-believers I still pray everyday for you and your families and that God watch over and protect you because that is part of my faith.

I do love you all, I look forward to seeing everyone at Mr. and Mrs. Rheaume’s tomorrow and Mrs. H do not forget weigh and measurements tomorrow see you at 9:30am at Curves!

***Mrs. H real quick this is especially for you. You are the one friend that has never failed me, never been dishonest or try to sugar coat something to make me feel better. You have been the kick in the ass when I needed it, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and share life’s victories with. Thank you so much for my being my best friend all these years. I may not have always been as good a friend as I should have been to you, but you have always been there and I thank you for that and I love you!!!***