Hanging in there

I guess that is what you can say I have been doing since finding out all the exciting new news about my children's father losing his job and not letting me know, which means the kids have no medical coverage. Well as most of you know I did apply yesterday for state medical care for them, I also told my ex I want full custody until he gets his act together, he said no, I told him he really should think about that answer again, cause if he does not agree I will just go file for it. Hmm let's see he will be jobless and living with his jobless pregnant wife at his mom's, I on the other hand have been at my job almost a year, may only make 31,000 a year but it is a job and at my place the boys have their own rooms and their own beds. Now whom do you think would win this one???

Todd has been my rock through all this; I do not know what I would do without him. He told me that while he will never be the kids dad or ever dream of taking his place he will be there for them and be a good father like figure for them. That meant a lot to me. He helps me be stronger and stand up for myself, give me the backbone I need. He told me the other night that I am a complete sweetheart and while that is wonderful to be (especially if you are Todd) that I do allow myself to get walked on because I do not want to hurt anyone else's feelings. He hit that on the head. This time is different those are my babies, I want only the best for them, and that includes the best for Bill, for if his life is in order and good, then my kids will reap the benefits of that. I have never once questioned his love for them I just choose to not have my kids be around the pot and stuff. As Bill asked last night and many of you are thinking, "You did not have a problem with it when we were living together" that is what many people seem to not get. I am not the same person I was back then, I do not want my kids around that, I do not smoke cigarettes in my house, let alone pot, I keep my home very very clean, I take care of myself, eat my veggies, etc etc, I am so different. I am also very happy with what I have done for myself and hate when people seem to think I still think and do things the same. I do not! I am not into whoring it up, gorging myself on food and all the bad things I did in the past. I want my children to be able to look up to me and respect me for taking pride in them, our home and myself. I am in love and I choose to be 100% faithful to him, I would not do a one-night thing to satisfy a quick need and then end up losing what will probably be a lifetime relationship.

I am so blessed with the friends I have also, Mrs. H has always been the best, supported me even when I made dumb decisions, and not saying I told you so to my face when they blew up in my face, Movieman for always making me laugh or ponder when I talk to him, Mr. H for kicking my ass when I get too big for my britches :-) and Rob for being easy to talk to and not taking it out on me I was once married to his old pet Rhino.

I love you guys~